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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Guest Blogger Tyler Cash, Inciting Ire Around The Internets

Please enjoy this completely impartial guest blog post from Tahler, my best beast forever, particularly the not at all egregious use of exclamation points and declarative statements!

Oh, and, that picture -- that's Tyler showing off his extremly high tech hands free device.

Welcome, friends of Amanda K. Mattos! I'm not Amanda K. Mattos! I'm a republican, and I am super psyched about using words like "fear", "terror", and "Of Montreal!" That last one is true, because I really like the newest album The Sunlandic Twins. Especially the song that's like two or three songs after number 7. I love Christ!

Right now, I am at work, looking up "walnuts" on wikipedia, simply because I want to know more about them! I like walnuts, but I love cranberry relish. I'll share a recipe real quick: Get a food processor, and 9/11 the following ingredients: 1 bag of frozen whole cranberries, 1 navel orange, 1 bag of walnutz, and 1.5-2 cups of sugar. Don't puree it though, you want some texture. Goes great with turkey, chicken, or chicken/spinach sausages from Trader Joe's, which is what I ate for lunch today.

I'll try to make this short. I sometimes listen to the Got Radio "Vintage Vault" internet station at work, and they've played some great forgotten tunes. Makes me want to wear ugly Vans and then call people posers. Examples: "Peaches," "Here And Now" (Letters To Cleo), and "Mighty K.C." (For Squirrels). There, that was pretty short.

Yesterday was political as shit! I voted for a guy named Mark Herring, who is running in an emergency election for state senate in my district. It's fun when republicans try to talk to you - for instance, the 32 phone calls I received about voting for whoever Mr. Herring was running against. Boy did I tell them! "Fuck you motherfuckerzzz!!!!1!" I told 'em! I know nothing about either candidate, but I voted for Herring simply because he is a democrat. Also, some judge was appointed (better stock up on condoms homeboyz and homegirleez!), and Bush spoke about... stuff. It's the State of Iraq address, duh! I wondered what percentage of the speech was actually about America. I laughed and got frustrated, but one thing I took away from the SOTU, is that we are going to FUCK YOU UP, IRAN! That's right fuckers, can't you learn??? Put away your nuclear toys, and stop talking shit about our homeboy Israel? No thanks, sayeth you! What's that, Syria? You laughin' at me you little shit? Guess what, you're next! Hahaha it's on bitches! It is FUCKING ON!!!

And let's get one thing straight - not only is war patriotic (Did you see that 3 minute long tear-jerking shot of that dead soldier's family? I'm not commenting here on supporting troops and all that, but exploiting things for political agendas? No, no they don't do that. You, keep quiet. You saw what happened to Iran. Don't make me teach you a lesson too.)... but war is fun! In all honesty, can we gather up all the yellow ribbon eating, "git-r-done" abiding, chest-out nascar dads and have them go to war? They're more than happy to! Haven't you paid attention to that song they love? "And I'd proudly staaaand uuup! Next to you, where at least I'm not for freee" or whatever. They love that shit! And if they're stickin' to their guns (and gittin' 'er done!), then how bout you guys fucking go over there instead! It'd be fun! Everyday, I will vouch to wear a full-sized Support Our Troops yellow ribbon costume. Yeah, you heard me.

I think I'm going to Bonnaroo this year. I don't care who's playing - with the massive amount of bands playing that whole shebang, I'll probably like at least 5. Amanda's really nice to let me talk/bitch on her blog deal. Because I guarantee it's read more than the Washington Times, that's for sure!

Peace out from Reston, VA,

T. Cash

Editorial statement from Amanda: Bonaroo's lineup this year is way better than Cochella's. East Coast Bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzz!


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