Break Ups & Unholy Alliances

Thanksgiving break was long and sufficiently full of enough debauchery to make my brain a little melty. Enjoy some needless celebrity gossip while your mind and body catch up to your non-vacation life-schedule.

As most of you probably know by now, Nick and Jessica have officially called it quits. It was inevitable, but I actually feel a little bit sad for these two. Note to everyone in the world: reality TV is BAD for relationships! And babies! Reality TV kills babies! So stay away from reality tv, ok?

Laguna's Talan and Kimberly Stewart have called off their engagement. This one gets a big PHEW! from my camp. Not that Talan's all that bright, what with being an awful, awful singer who dropped out of high school to persue his music career, but Kim Stewart is just... ewe. In the words of your former flame, Talan, you guys are dunzo!

When I saw "Mischa Barton" in a headline, I hoped and hoped it was to tell me that she had split up with the horribly hideous Cisco Adler. Unfortunately the news was just the opposite -- apparently, they're now engaged. Seriously, who is this guy and how did he get his slimy unattractive claws into my Mischa? I'm all for happiness and whatnot, but these guys break the 20% rule about 4 times over. Doomed for failure. I hope.


(20% rule: If one half of a couple is 20% more attractive than the other, the relationship just won't work out. Did I get that right Becky? Another arbitrary measure for realtionship success: if the woman's head is larger than the man's, or if there's a big difference in their head sizes, it's no good.)