Brace Yourselves

I'm bringing you a video. A video made, primarily, by two people that I've known since they were pretty much born (Garrison & Chris Rule). Their mom & my mom -- totally BFFs. Now, later in life, I came to be good friends with Felicia (went to high school together, many common friends). Felicia is Gar & Chris' first cousin. I could put in more details about our interwoven relationships, or memories of playing over at their grandmother's house as children, but I'll save you the details (that involve squishing mosquitoes, and a womb room). Most of this information is completely irrelevant, but I'll press on. Gar & Chris have had a flare for the dramatic for as long as I can remember (direct quote from about age 9, "We like to buy spiderwebs around halloween, so we can build haunted houses for our brothers throughout the year.") From Titanic reenactments, to... other Titanic reenactments, a visit to the Rule household always included their latest videographical endeavor. So, yesterday, Felicia sends me a link. To Garrison's MySpace page. Featuring a video of an O.C. parody made by Gar, Chris & another friend. It's not The 'Bu, but it's funny, and it's well made. And there's a lot of cross dressing. You might not appreciate it as much as I do, in the context of knowing them their entire lives, but I think it's worth sharing. So, without further adieu, I give you, the link.

Link

(Pun About Fat Tuesday)

• Well, I'm all for it. In my 15 months living in my current residence, I've seen more people hit by cars/bodies laying on Route 50 than I care to divulge. I could launch into a relatively racist diatribe about why this is such a problem in certain areas, but I won't. So, yes, I'm all for this.
  
• All photo rights issues aside, this is still a great idea.
  
• If you're ugly and you know it, break the law!
• Blogs as a business: So five minutes ago. Juggz is undoubtedly sobbing somewhere as he reads this.
  
• All the money in the world, and people still don't like you.
  
• The most wonderfully happy video evar. Via Zunta.
  
• Bizarre inventions are entertaining!
  
• The Ultimate Sawyer Nick Name Compendium
• "Six Breakfast Cereals Argue Why They Should Replace Cheerios as the Preferred Finger Food for Babies" (McSweeney's)
  
• I heart science, and wicked cool rare lunar eclipses
• Eat a snickers, lower your BP (that's blood pressure, not betsy philpott)
• Am I a nerd for being pretty excited about this?
  

Who wants to go to a concert on Saturday? Or Monday?

I still don't have any takers for my other Subways or Belle & Sebastian/New Pornographers tickets, so hollar at me if you'd like to join! Both shows should be great; Subways more dance rock party fun, B&S/NP more like "whooooooaaaaaa, awesome show maaaaaaaan!"

"Hey Santi! Amanda's fat!"

So, in the past week, Liz has inadvertantly called me fat, and a hermaphrodite. Should I be concerned? Deconstruct the following exchanges as you see fit.

Monday night, watching House: "You know, a lot of models are hermaphrodites. That's how come they're so tall. No offense!"

Last night, at Unbuckled: "Hey Santi! Amanda's fat!" She claims she was going to talk about how fat Stinker has gotten... just like momma!

Liz, are you trying to tell me something? I mean, more than you've already said to my face?

Unbuckled was Awesome!

Not the most creative headline, but it's straightforward. I had such a great time, and the night was a big success. Thanks so much to Alyssa, Diana, Becca & friends, Liz, Santi, Jenna, John, and Mark for coming out to the show. It was great to hang with all the DCist folks/various bloggers too, as usual. I spent most of the evening manning the raffle prize table... the raffle that no one won. Whoopsies. So we ended up giving out the prizes at random at the end of the night, which was fun too. Oh yeah, and the bands! The bands were good too! I was kind of ADD all over the place and not paying too terribly much attention to them, but what I saw/heard, I liked! A lot! Over all, it was a great night and a big success. The crowd was big and everyone was having fun, so thanks to everyone that came out!

Update: Photographic evidence that people (especially Jenna!) went to Unbuckled and had fun. And I continue to make weird faces in pictures. And this. This is just too good to be true. Pink DCist underwear atop our editor in cheif's head? Fantastic.

Unbuckled is TONIGHT!

Don't forget!! Come to Unbuckled!!! Word on the street (and by street, I mean DCist email list) is that there's a high probability of a girlfight at tonight's show. Live music, giveaways, bloggers and a girlfight? I'm pretty sure that's undeniably the most awesome Thursday night this side of Survivor Hour at O'Neils circa 2002. AND, it's my half birthday, so, I mean, you really need to come out and celebrate with me. I mean half birthdays are really important. Especially when you were a summer birthday kid who never got cupcakes or balloons in school. See you all at 9:00!

Reality Me

As many of you have heard me rant on before, I'm not the hugest reality tv fan. Most of it is trash, and beyond the first season of almost any reality show, it's lost its lustre, the tricks have been figured out, and everyone is playing angles. You can take all of your Survivors and Bachelors and Trading Mommies to Marry my Big Fat Dumb Dads and shove them in a far off corner to collect dust for all I care. Of course, I don't have a reality-free diet. I succomb occasionally to the many drunken, soulless iterations of the Real World and its various challenges (not religiously, but on the occasional hungover Saturday). I'd main line Laguna Beach if I could. Last night marked something truly odd for my personal tv habits: three hours of reality tv.

American Idol. While this one certainly falls into the sub-par subsequent seasons category, it has its moments. I do like to be in the know about who is who. The first season was my wheelhouse, and I've watched the others sporadically. And more importantly, my mom freaking loves AI. She was over last night, so we ended up watching the boys competition. First of all, this crop seems to be more talented on the whole than most any I've seen before. Second, I'm in love. I'm in love with Ace. He is exactlly my type/physical idea/whatever (though, he could use a haircut). And he can actually sing! Grey-haired Taylor is great too, so were a lot of the guys, but Ace. Ooooooooh Ace! Pitter pat! I have a full-on crush.

Project Runway. Oooooooh how I love Project Runway! Because it's a competition that involves actual skill (it's a competition among fashion designers, for those of you not in-the-know), and there's not a whole lot of wiggle room there, it hasn't lost its edge between seasons 1 and 2. In fact, I think I've enjoyed this year more than last. If anybody else saw last night's reuinion episode, then I'm sure your skin is still thoroughly crawling after Daniel Franko's declaration of love. EWE! This show is so best. If you haven't been watching it, look for a marathon of some sort. It manages to be entertaining without insulting my intelligence, so bravo (aren't I punny?) for Project Runway. Oh, and I love Daniel V! Anybody could walk away with the win at this point, but he's so talentetd, I vote DV!

Happy Birthday Mom

IMG_0385.JPG
Originally uploaded by AMattos.

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful, beautiful, all around amazing mom in the wide world!

Unbuckled 2.0

The fine folks at DCist (myself included) are bringing together some of our fair city's best acts for Unbuckled 2.0! Be there!

Where: DC9
When: Thursday, 2/23, 9 p.m.
How much: $6
Who: The Hard Tomorrows, Olivia Mancini & The Housemates, DJ Leafblower, your favorite DCist bloggers
Why: Because you like me, and music, and fun

psychics t r e t c h

Some of you may think this is bs, but, I've always had sort of psychic... tendencies. Knowing what a letter is going to say before I open it, thinking about someone and then them appearing... that sort of thing. As my Tunlaw roomates can attest to, the Billy Email Incident of 4th Year is a shining example ("I'm pretty sure he just emailed me to tell me he's going to a Kappa function tonight so he can't make it"). It hasn't been happening to me a lot lately -- perhaps I've been too focused on work and DCist and my ever growing list of responsibilities to be in tune with the universe. But today... today I'm plugged the eff in.

Example the first: Last night I dreamed that Allison Vick Spillman was pregnant. This morning, I come in to work to an email that she and Chris are... surprise! Expecting!

Example the second (far less cool, but, whatevs): This morning as I was getting ready for work, I started thinking about the UVA Bookstore, and the joys of shopping there (namely, the joys of unitemized student charge bills), only to come across this story on my borning blog browse.

Make of it what you will. And Jenna, order the linguini. The chicken parm is nothin but trouble.

Unbelievable

Italian higher court rules that sex crimes against women who aren't virgins are less serious.

Today in the News

As I casually reviewed news this morning -- in the cafe, upon arriving at my desk -- two headlines jumped out at me as being ridiculous for very different reasons.

"Cheney Says Shooting Was His Fault" (WaPo)
Wow, really?! What a guy! Just kidding. That was not my initial reaction. My initial reaction was "Well I certainly f*@#$*g hope so, you shot the guy!" While this very well may be the first time anyone in the Bush administration has taken ownership of a mistake, it still just blows my mind. Every news outlet in the world has been flashing headlines and tickers since Sunday, attributing this shooting to Cheney (including, in the case of DC's ABC station, with an exclamation point -- "Cheney shoots friend in face! News at 11"), and four days later, he pipes up and says yeah, it was me. Don't worry though, he's still towing the party line: "Vice President Cheney accepted full responsibility yesterday for shooting a 78-year-old lawyer in a hunting accident in Texas last weekend, calling it "one of the worst days of my life," but he expressed no regret about waiting until the next day to reveal the incident to the public." This is a political rant that belongs more over here, so I'll stop devolving. On to the next.

Update: Jese, blatant typo in the headline I quoted. Sorry about that. I know this sounds like BS, but my work computer is b a n a n a s and has a tendency to insert random letters and characters wherever it thinks they belong. Our IT guy is baffled. And no, it's not the keyboard -- I've replaced that twice, and it happens with the laptop keyboard too. *Sigh. It's a machine posessed, and it's got a will to be heard.

"Three Dead in Giant Cartoon Protest" (AIM Today)
OK. I know. This is a really horrible situation. I'm not making light of it. But just read that headline. Pretend like you didn't know about the tension between the Muslim world and Denmark that has been raging on for days now. And just read that headline, with heaping spoonfulls of literal interpretation. "Three Dead in Giant Cartoon Protest." It's funny, right? It's funny because it conjurs visuals like this:

Other funny-out-of-context headlines on this subject include:

• "Anatomy of the Cartoon Protest Movement"
• "Cartoon Protest Mobs Set Fire to Fast Food Shops"
• "4,000 Cartoon Protesters Tear-Gassed"

To clarify: in context -- not funny. Out of context -- yeah.

Smashing the Glass Ceiling?

I just had a stimulating and enlightening discussion with Kail (conversations with Kail tend to take that track, no matter the topic). We were discussing dating, gender roles, and many other topics in that general family, when he mentioned something that was news to me -- the glass ceiling has, for a certain control group, been broken. While I don't have any articles to site, Kail is a pretty reliable source (he has his Masters and is working towards his PHD in Economics). Apparently, if you control for women who take time off to have children (i.e., this statistic applies only to women who do not take time off to have children, which generally overlaps with the times women are most likely to receive key promotions), women will make more money than men on the same career path. I realize that for the vast majority of women I know, this is a non-issue, because while careers are important, our ultimate goals include family. But for the sake of progressive society, that's pretty amazing to me. I've long worked with the assumption that if a woman and a man, on the same career paths (in private industry), with equal qualifications and experiences, went head to head, the man would undoubtedly earn more. While I ultimately would prefer an equal pay for equal measure type of system (yeah, I'm an idealist, news flash), I think it's refreshing to hear that women who sacrifice their traditional gender roles are being compensated for it. That's my 2 cents.

links t r e t c h

• Wired's opus on blog commentors. I had plenty of contact with quite a few of these archetypes yesterday.
  
• Never drink alone again
• If you haven't had the pleasure of exposure to the lion cub/mastiff puppy BFF story yet, consider yourself treated.
  
• Mischa... WAKE UP!
  
• Trailer for the Outkast movie... you know I'll be there
• I've been collecting links for a few days, so this is overshadowed now by the whole did they break up or didn't they story, but in case you weren't quite convinced that Tom Cruise is a batshitcrazycreepmeister, this might do the trick.
  
• He's no Butterstick, but he's still flippin cute!!!!!
  
• Coca Cola sends bloggers to the olympics
• I'm powered with Willie Fuel!
• And the award for headline accuracy goes to... The Superficial!
  
• Is Madonna Jem?
  
• Just.... no. Just somebody please, please just tell me this isn't even close to true.
  
• Hilarious, with the exception of Dinosaurs! Maybe it's very specific to my age group, but me and everyone I know ))<>(( remembers it fondly.
  
• The OC and International Relations... so good
  

Happy Valentines, with Love, The Internet

Here are a few love-related links on this red and pink colored day:

• Find your way to the perfect Valentine's Day!
• Good relationship, bad kisser?
  
• Well, that's ok, kissing could kill you anyway.
  
• Starbucks & Yahoo, sittin in a tree...
• Don't get your hopes up: this isn't just Valentines Day -- it's Cheating Season

Whethere you're coupled or single, I hope you have a lovely day!

Update: 2 more links from my favorite USA Today blogger: love links, and make out songs.

What's your favorite make out song?

The Caffeinated Press

It's been months since I've ordered my old stand by -- the Caramel Macchiato -- at Starbucks. Come November, they bring out the Pumpkin Spice Lattes (PSLs), then that flows right into the delicious drop of Christmastime drinks -- Gingerbread Lattes and Peppermint Mochas. Then, this year, those magnificent bastards went and unveiled my latest latte love -- the Cinnamon Dolce Latte, right after the holidays. This morning, though, I thought, "it's Valentines Day. I'll reconnect with an old flame," and ordered up a Caramel Macchiato, to see if I still had that lovin feelin. It is with a heavy heart that I report that the Cinnamon Dolce Latte is about 800 times more delicious than the Caramel Macchiato, and will be on the receiving end of my box of conversation hearts this year. We had a good run, CM, but you just don't stand up to the new guy. You're the Josh Hartnett to CDL's Chris Klein. Take care, and I wish you all the best.

Things I Learned In Richmond

• There's The Fan, and The Fan Handle
• Only-children dance alone in their bedrooms
• Brown liquor is no longer a good idea
• Some people have sex with kittens, and talk about it in public
• Paul is dead, and also, a pretty big deal
• (Verbal eccentricities) are loads of fun
• Psycho 2 is the one with the shovel upside the head
• The path to salvation can be yours for 12 easy installments of $50
• Maggie Moo's batter ice cream tastes like my hand lotion, in a good way
• The Rat would make an excellent ring tone
  

eleemosynary

It's rare that the dictionary.com word of the day is something I've never even heard of before. Because that's the case today, I thought I'd share it with you too. I'm a nerd.


eleemosynary \el-uh-MOS-uh-ner-ee\, adjective:
1. Of or for charity; charitable; as, "an eleemosynary
institution."
2. Given in charity; having the nature of alms; as,
"eleemosynary assistance."
3. Supported by or dependent on charity; as, "the eleemosynary
poor."

James Brady on Dick Cheney

"Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him," said Jim Brady. "I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."

Too Cute

I don't know what this is, but I'm pretty sure I want one. Liz, whenever you resurface you'll have to tell me where this ridiculously adorable picture came from.

Thoughts 16 minutes into Veronica Mars

1. Beaver & Mac!!!!! YES!!! Hooray!!!

2. Several minutes of Logan facetime already!!! YES!!!

3. Logan and this new Hannah chick... Well, at least they're giving him a story line. Maybe it'll motivate Veronica with some good old green eyed envy.

4. Crimminy, where in the world do I get my hands one one of those leather jackets they all wear?? The little tab across the collar, I freakin love it!

5. Haha, they just played an old favorite commercial of mine. The Disney World one with the adorable little boy who laughs and says, "We're too excited to sleep!" So cute.

Just Curious

Does anyone else out there add things to your to-do list that you've already finished, just so you can cross it out and feel more accomplished?

Please Excuse The Absence

I've been quite the busy bee lately, so I appologize for the lack of blogging. In my absence, enjoy these close up pictures of giraffe faces. My beautiful Budhist friend Jung Won brought it to my attention that looking at close up pictures of giraffe faces can be really fun and calming. She suggests printing some out and putting them on your fridge.

Have a great Wednesday

Axl Rose Turns 44 Today

Anybody else grasped with a sudden sense of mortality?

Long Night/Good Morning

I had the scarriest dream last night. I've forgotten most of the details, but I know this for certain: me, Sommer from The OC and my mom were being attacked by terrorists. Well, a terrorist. In the dream, he was definitely a terrorist and not just like, a bad dude. It was full on horror movie chase scene phone lines cut jumping out of windows soaking wet for no reason bananas. I'm pretty sure the terrorist in question was Marwan from 24. I kept waking up, all heart racey and overheated, with Stinker standing over me like "Mom! Are you ok?!?" And everytime I went back to sleep, WOOSH! Terrorville. GWB's vice grip of fear has seeped into my REM sleep, and I don't like it.

What I really do like, however, is listening to people order breakfast. You just never know! This morning at the Atrium, I got sausage, egg & cheese on wheat toast. The man behind me -- french toast and scrambled egg whites. The next guy -- pancakes, bacon and eggs. The next guy -- toasted croissant with butter. Such good ordering! I really don't know why I find this so intriguing, but there's something creative and unexpected there, and early in the morning, that's kind of delightful.

Off With Their Balls!

Proposed Virginia bill would allow castration of violent sexual predators.

And Stinker says, "Ball-free works for me!"

America, You Suck

This week's top ten singles:

1: "Check On It," Beyonce f. Slim Thug
2: "Grillz," Nelly f. Paul Wall, Ali & Gipp
3: "Run It!," Chris Brown
4: "Be Without You," Mary J. Blige
5: "Stickwitu," The Pussycat Dolls
6: "There It Go" (The Whistle Song), Juelz Santana
7: "Don't Forget About Us," Mariah Carey
8: "You're Beautiful," James Blunt
9: "Dirty Little Secrets," The All American Rejects
10: "Laffy Taffy," D4L

Surely human-animal hybrids would have better taste in music.

The Raconteures

Kyle and Natalya both beat me to blogging about The Raconteurs awesome website going live, but I finally got around to listening to the two tracks on there. I love. Them. Already. My hopes for this band -- comprised of Jack White, Brendan Benson and two of the Greenhornes, three things I already love a lot -- were pretty high. And these two tracks do not disappoint. I'm going to make a bold assumption and guess that when it "drops" (Chris), it will be my favorite album of 2006.

Linkasaurus

Human-Animal Hybrid. I just really needed to post that phrase. Here are many links for your clicking pleasure.

• No Sex and the City brings you the Valentine Application. I don't require a form or anything, but feel free to leave your applications in the comments.
  
• When I was in school, we square danced in gym class. But times, they are a' changin. Let the Southpark references flow freely!
  
• Coincidentally, I used that phrase as the title of yesterday's DCist Music Roundtable. Check it out!
  
• This show was made for me. Who wants to be on my team?
  
• Well Al Green, looks like the answer is aerobic exercise and a low fat diet.
  
• The lesson to glean from this installment of Slate science: have sex, and lots of it!
  
• A fun article (also from Slate) rating today's crop of sleds.
  
• Get your Girl Scout Cookie on! I got suckered by two Austrailian girls at the office and bought 7 boxes. There's a new flavor this year!
• Swallow whatever you're drinking or eating, bc. this is involuntary spitting or choking funny.
  
• Jamie directs you to a hilarious TDS clip -- the level of taint.
  
• Before DCeiver came into my life, I had no idea 24 could be so funny.
  
• I have something in common with Jim Carrey: an obsession with the number 23.
  
• Need a reminder? Let HassleMe take care of that for you. Liz, I'm looking at you.
  
• Creepy.
  
• No wonder I'm single! Since I don't plan to leave my wit behind anytime soon, I guess I'll just muddle through.
  
• Meth Heads: How Rude!
• Check it out! I'm a character in the latest DCeiver play! The inter-blog-referencing is dense enough to sink a ship, but it's still hi-larious.
  
• Drew combines two of my favorite things: being liberal and Mitch Hedberg.
  
• Back off, big brother!
  

Now that you've been sufficiently entertained, start submitting those applications. Don't let my humor scare you off now!

Guest Blogger Tyler Cash, Inciting Ire Around The Internets

Please enjoy this completely impartial guest blog post from Tahler, my best beast forever, particularly the not at all egregious use of exclamation points and declarative statements!

Oh, and, that picture -- that's Tyler showing off his extremly high tech hands free device.


Welcome, friends of Amanda K. Mattos! I'm not Amanda K. Mattos! I'm a republican, and I am super psyched about using words like "fear", "terror", and "Of Montreal!" That last one is true, because I really like the newest album The Sunlandic Twins. Especially the song that's like two or three songs after number 7. I love Christ!

Right now, I am at work, looking up "walnuts" on wikipedia, simply because I want to know more about them! I like walnuts, but I love cranberry relish. I'll share a recipe real quick: Get a food processor, and 9/11 the following ingredients: 1 bag of frozen whole cranberries, 1 navel orange, 1 bag of walnutz, and 1.5-2 cups of sugar. Don't puree it though, you want some texture. Goes great with turkey, chicken, or chicken/spinach sausages from Trader Joe's, which is what I ate for lunch today.

I'll try to make this short. I sometimes listen to the Got Radio "Vintage Vault" internet station at work, and they've played some great forgotten tunes. Makes me want to wear ugly Vans and then call people posers. Examples: "Peaches," "Here And Now" (Letters To Cleo), and "Mighty K.C." (For Squirrels). There, that was pretty short.

Yesterday was political as shit! I voted for a guy named Mark Herring, who is running in an emergency election for state senate in my district. It's fun when republicans try to talk to you - for instance, the 32 phone calls I received about voting for whoever Mr. Herring was running against. Boy did I tell them! "Fuck you motherfuckerzzz!!!!1!" I told 'em! I know nothing about either candidate, but I voted for Herring simply because he is a democrat. Also, some judge was appointed (better stock up on condoms homeboyz and homegirleez!), and Bush spoke about... stuff. It's the State of Iraq address, duh! I wondered what percentage of the speech was actually about America. I laughed and got frustrated, but one thing I took away from the SOTU, is that we are going to FUCK YOU UP, IRAN! That's right fuckers, can't you learn??? Put away your nuclear toys, and stop talking shit about our homeboy Israel? No thanks, sayeth you! What's that, Syria? You laughin' at me you little shit? Guess what, you're next! Hahaha it's on bitches! It is FUCKING ON!!!

And let's get one thing straight - not only is war patriotic (Did you see that 3 minute long tear-jerking shot of that dead soldier's family? I'm not commenting here on supporting troops and all that, but exploiting things for political agendas? No, no they don't do that. You, keep quiet. You saw what happened to Iran. Don't make me teach you a lesson too.)... but war is fun! In all honesty, can we gather up all the yellow ribbon eating, "git-r-done" abiding, chest-out nascar dads and have them go to war? They're more than happy to! Haven't you paid attention to that song they love? "And I'd proudly staaaand uuup! Next to you, where at least I'm not for freee" or whatever. They love that shit! And if they're stickin' to their guns (and gittin' 'er done!), then how bout you guys fucking go over there instead! It'd be fun! Everyday, I will vouch to wear a full-sized Support Our Troops yellow ribbon costume. Yeah, you heard me.

I think I'm going to Bonnaroo this year. I don't care who's playing - with the massive amount of bands playing that whole shebang, I'll probably like at least 5. Amanda's really nice to let me talk/bitch on her blog deal. Because I guarantee it's read more than the Washington Times, that's for sure!

Peace out from Reston, VA,

T. Cash


Editorial statement from Amanda: Bonaroo's lineup this year is way better than Cochella's. East Coast Bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzz!

A little irony for your Wednesday

I drove to work today behind a minivan, whose rear window was littered with stickers supporting every school every one of their children has ever attended, and no less than three bumper stickers urging simplicity with the phrase, "Less is more!"